Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
