At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
