we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found puke in my bra..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Everyone says I win the strip club
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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