Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
