Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
