Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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