when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
