I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
