they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
