just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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