im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
