dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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