Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
