It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
3 2 1 whiskey
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
