Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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