I didn't shave. On purpose
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
