Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
