so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
