Cold hands, warm shart.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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