don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
