first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
