its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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