At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
