Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
