You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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