does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
