you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
