Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
