my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
