im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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