nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
