My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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