I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
