i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize