shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
