Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
