Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
