Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
