I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
