Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
