I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
