Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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