dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
