Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
