i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
