You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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