I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
