he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
