That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
