The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
