I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
