did you get engaged???
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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