Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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