Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize