Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
