is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
