This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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