Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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