I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
