I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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