I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
