it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
