I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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