So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
