Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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